Addiction: List-Making Depencency
A well-meaning friend has been encouraging me to step away from some bad habits…what she refers to as my Type-A addiction to lists. After months of hearing her sing the virtues of a more relaxed approach to life, I told her I would try it her way. After all, I have had a few other folks mention this to me. While I did not feel my list-making was causing me undue stress, I was reminded that admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery with any addict.
So, I gave it a try. For three weeks, I have gone virtually list free (she gave me a pass for grocery lists). I did not experience an esoteric sense of calm. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind, and I find myself acting like another person. I have not felt freed or relaxed.
Instead, I feel stupid . I have missed a doctor’s appointment, forgotten to return DVD’s and library books, and let my DH run out of clean clothing. I have forgotten to take food out to defrost and to cut the grass. Not to mention all the correspondence and lesson plans I have forgotten. The kicker: I forgot to pick Scout up after his golf match. That’s right folks…I forgot my child!!
You would think these oversights must be because I am enjoying myself crafting. That would be if I could stay focused on something long enough to complete. Instead, I try to find some velcro and spend my time muttering about like a bag lady because I forgot what I was looking for in the first place.
Worse still, I find that I am totally distractable. In the middle of anything, I suddenly remember something I needed to do so I have to jump up and do it right away, since I now realize I might not remember again. Each thought is like a golden snitch fluttering in front of me, and I have to grab it then or lose it forever.
I do not like this one bit. I am normal focused and actively in the moment with my children. I am usually the one who remembers everything, even things for the other members of my family. But without a list, I am unable to settle myself enough to read a book or watch a movie. I am utterly unerved.
This morning I am concluding this experiment.
The results~
I have discovered that I do not, in fact, have an excellent memory. I have developed excellent coping skills for a bad memory through list-making. I am more stressed than ever, as I am feeling utterly incompetent and getting nothing accomplished. I need to get my head in the game. I need to get my supplies ready and photocopying done for learning center classes. I need to find my dining room table.
Sorry Betsy, but you were not correct on this count. I am writing myself a prescription for some extra-strength list- making.
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I am the mother of two wonderful children, ages 12 & 15, that I have been homeschooling using a blend of Charlotte Mason and unit studies for ten years. My hubby is a terrific dad, contractor and big kid, and we also have two furry, four-legged children others would call “dogs.” I am a total crafty mama, trying my hand at almost anything, and enjoying most.
You can also find me blogging at Homeschool Hacks. 
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Reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend last week, who envied my schedule/task list/lesson plans. She has a much more relaxed take on things. I told her hat I made the plans because if I didn’t, NOTHING would get done.
Lists are useful things, and you’ll get mine from me when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.
“Compulsive” list making IS a relaxed way of life for some folks. When I get into serious planning/list making mode, it’s largely a way of putting on paper the myriad things that are rattling around in my brain. It *is* relaxing.
Lists are obviously liberating for you. Make one for me, while you’re at it.
Hey, you’ve got to do what works for you!
Oddly enough, you may find that your memory, or brain fog, improves as you continue to clean up your diet. Although most people don’t make the connection, the two do go hand-in-hand.
And atleast you USE your lists. I usually make them and then leave them sitting on the counter as I head off to the grocery, or lose them somewhere…
I totally agree! As you know, I am also a planner and a list maker. I have recognized that I do this not because I am so focused and organized but to keep myself focused and organized. Without these tools, I get totally distracted, forget what I am doing and become completely overwhelmed.
I never knew list making was considered Type A behavior. I admire people who make lists, but rarely make them myself. My mother is a brilliant list maker. She makes her list, procrastinates it by doing something productive not on the list, then she writes it at the bottom and crosses it off. Have you ever done that?
The trick is making your illness look normal. Like Tara, my attempt at lists ends up with scraps of lost papers everywhere. I can only function well with a calendar. As long as your lists are all together in a planner or purse, nobody has to know how neurotic you are
You just look organized.
I agree that list making is a way for some folks to relax and get things done. Go back to it immediately. My MIL puts 3 things at the top of the list that she has already done so she can cross them off. I guess it keeps her from feeling overwhelmed. And I find that if I write a list (like a grocery list), I might not have to take it because the act of writing it put that information in my head in an accessible manner.
But I think with a lifestyle that involves juggling so many things, lists can be an important way to keep track.
But at least you gave it a shot! And now you now something more about yourself, and that’s a good thing.
An addiction is something that we can’t live without, but that also creates the need for more of the same while giving less satisfaction for doing so…
By definition, you never were, and I doubt, never will be, addicted to list making…..as a fellow list person, I long ago learned that lists give me a sense of focus, purpose, and great satisfaction as I make shorter lists that I can actually achieve in a day.
The problem I faced was more of perfection…trying to write out a 50 item list and feeling horrible at the end of the day when only 5 were crossed out. Today I have learned to prioritize by lists of no more than 5-10 items that I have a true shot of completing. I also have “daily” lists, and “weekly” lists.
Sounds like you’re just plain normal!!
You have my sympathy!!!!
I couldn’t LIVE without my list, and I am not going to even try. But thanks for a nice post that I can point people too, when they insist that I should give my list up.
Hi, my name is Kate, and I am a list maker.
LOL, I would forget my own head without my lists.
I would be stressed without my lists, I don’t stress about stuff I don’t get to in any given day, I just add it to the next days list.LOL
Wow – I’m am so very relieved to see that I am not the only person who is completely lost without a list. Without a list (and several “sub lists”) I have no clue where to start. I tend to prioritize my lists as I make them so I know what is “most important”, yet I rarely go in order. I think without a list to guide me I would probably be found by my husband sitting and rocking, mumbling incoherently, in a corner when he arrived home from work. Despite my lists, they only seem to grow longer each day – at least I have my sanity. And it really is nice to see I’m not as odd as my kicked back and relaxed pals (and DH) would lead me to believe.
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Sounds to me based on some of what you wrote that you may have tendencies toward adult attention deficit disorder, which I do not consider a disorder at all but a personality type, seen in many very creative people. I have strong tendencies toward this myself. I’m also a list maker, not only because I enjoy it but also because it’s a necessity for me to function in day to day life. It certainly doesn’t mean you’re a Type A person. I’m a perhaps too relaxed Type B.
Go with what works for you and don’t be ashamed that you don’t conform to your friends’ Stepford Wife ideas of how you should behave!