Addiction: List-Making Depencency

A well-meaning friend has been encouraging me to step away from some bad habits…what she refers to as my Type-A addiction to lists. After months of hearing her sing the virtues of a more relaxed approach to life, I told her I would try it her way. After all, I have had a few other folks mention this to me. While I did not feel my list-making was causing me undue stress, I was reminded that admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery with any addict.

So, I gave it a try. For three weeks, I have gone virtually list free (she gave me a pass for grocery lists). I did not experience an esoteric sense of calm. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind, and I find myself acting like another person. I have not felt freed or relaxed.

Instead, I feel stupid . I have missed a doctor’s appointment, forgotten to return DVD’s and library books, and let my DH run out of clean clothing. I have forgotten to take food out to defrost and to cut the grass. Not to mention all the correspondence and lesson plans I have forgotten. The kicker: I forgot to pick Scout up after his golf match. That’s right folks…I forgot my child!!

You would think these oversights must be because I am enjoying myself crafting. That would be if I could stay focused on something long enough to complete. Instead, I try to find some velcro and spend my time muttering about like a bag lady because I forgot what I was looking for in the first place.

Worse still, I find that I am totally distractable. In the middle of anything, I suddenly remember something I needed to do so I have to jump up and do it right away, since I now realize I might not remember again. Each thought is like a golden snitch fluttering in front of me, and I have to grab it then or lose it forever.

I do not like this one bit. I am normal focused and actively in the moment with my children. I am usually the one who remembers everything, even things for the other members of my family. But without a list, I am unable to settle myself enough to read a book or watch a movie. I am utterly unerved.

This morning I am concluding this experiment.

The results~

I have discovered that I do not, in fact, have an excellent memory. I have developed excellent coping skills for a bad memory through list-making. I am more stressed than ever, as I am feeling utterly incompetent and getting nothing accomplished. I need to get my head in the game. I need to get my supplies ready and photocopying done for learning center classes. I need to find my dining room table.

Sorry Betsy, but you were not correct on this count. I am writing myself a prescription for some extra-strength list- making.