To be a Dutiful Daughter-in-Law
I will be spending the next three days painting my in-laws house with them, and taking my kids along to do the same.
I am struggling with this a bit, because I am pissed at the family. There are five children, five spouses and four grown grandchildren who could help. I don’t want to do it, but will because they are old and need help. I just have this resentment because all the other family members but one are too busy or, in truth, unwilling to help. “They never have helped us with anything, ” is the common response. Or, many sit and complain because my in-laws spent all their time helping and focusing on one brother, and since he isn’t helping (shame on him), they shouldn’t have to either.
While I respect the frustration that we are all now being asked to help them when they rarely go out of their way to help any of us, the fact is they have a huge task in front of them that they cannot physically handle alone. They are both in poor health. Sometimes it is better to be the example of acting the right way or doing the right thing.
IF we would all get together and commit one day, we could knock it out without much stress on any of us. Instead, it is turning out that we will be doing it all, with only one day of help from my SIL who works the most out of everyone else.
When my kids asked me why the others weren’t helping, I decided to be honest. They are acting selfishly. They are unwilling to go out of their way for someone else. And while I am the queen of “Just say no” there are times when you must do what is right, even if you don’t want to. I hope they can learn from our example.
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I am the mother of two wonderful children, ages 12 & 15, that I have been homeschooling using a blend of Charlotte Mason and unit studies for ten years. My hubby is a terrific dad, contractor and big kid, and we also have two furry, four-legged children others would call “dogs.” I am a total crafty mama, trying my hand at almost anything, and enjoying most.
You can also find me blogging at Homeschool Hacks. 
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Yes – sometimes you just have to do the right thing, no matter what anyone else is doing. Good luck with all that paint! At least, even though it’s a huge job, it can have a Zen like quality in the actual work. My dad used to “flip” houses, and painting them was always my job! Better than roofing, I always said.
Your kids will definitely learn well from this, and years from now, when *you* are old and gray lol, and *you* need help, chances are very good that your kids and their spouses will be dutiful children and in-laws
What comes around, goes around. Taking the time to help someone in need – without a tit-for-tat attitude – is a wonderful gift. In this case the gift is not only to the recipient, but your children as well, who will learn from the good example you are setting. The mentality of “why should I help? what’s in it for me?” is one that really fries me. Proof positive you do deserve that nice award.
Next time, just tell everyone you’re hiring someone to do the work, and tell them what their portion of the bill will be.
I was coming to say “that’s just another example of you being nice”, but I L-O-V-E Doc’s idea. My dh’s family is quite like this, the brother that my Mum-in-law helps the most
makes her pay him for helping her. Burns me up, but your kids will learn an invaluable lesson about putting that all aside
to do the “right thing”.
Try to have fun!
I’m in favour of Doc’s idea, too. It isn’t necessary for people to paint themselves. They do it to save money. And if you weren’t willing to go around, then presumably everyone would pitch in to help their parents. So if they give cash in lieu…
I think it is great that you are helping, but I agree that Doc’s wisdom is valid, too. Yet, I’m sure that people who won’t come for a possibly family fun day wouldn’t pay either.
Wisteria- You hit the nail on the head. There have been other things in the past that we were all splitting five ways, and it usually ended up three families short.
As much as I hate the work, I can’t afford to foot that bill!
Terrible and shameful attitude had by the others and not a good example they are setting for the grown children. Thankfully, you are setting a much better example for your children and hopefully the others will one day fall in line.
Karma, baby…Karma! You’re doing a good thing.
We have this issue in our family much too often for my liking. I think of it this way… My in-laws have never helped us, physically or financially, or my dh’s siblings. BUT they did raise my dh. They did not abort him, like they thought about. And now I have a wonderful husband and father for my kids. So, now, when they need help, I want to be there.
What goes around, comes around. And if you don’t see benefits this afternoon, you’ll see them later. I guarantee!
Honesty is the best policy. So glad you didn’t cover up or sugar coat for the kids.
Robin is right: what goes around comes around. You’re absolutely doing the right thing.