Comments on: Homeschooling the Non-Ambitious http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:54:08 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Patti http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-289 Patti Thu, 01 Mar 2007 01:42:05 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-289 Hi! I've wandered in here quite a few times, but this is one post I had to answer... My oldest son was just as you described...sleep, computer, music, friends...but no schoolwork. Getting him to write a report took major maneuvering and a lot of constant supervision....so we rarely undertook the effort. We were constantly warned that he was dooming himself to a life of shiftless wandering. He's now 17, and getting straight A's at our local community college. What made the difference? He got a glimpse of what he wanted to do, and he set out to do it. His passion is for computers, and he saw a way to make money at what he loves doing anyway. Come to think of it, his older sister wasn't much different. She was rather apathetic until she decided to go to college early, at which time she studied furiously to get a good ACT and headed off (7 hours away!)to college at 16. I think that many kids see high school as just marking time until they get to college. Is your son interested in moving on? Maybe he'd do well with a few courses at a local community college. It would broaden his horizons and stretch his mind a bit. Most are not difficult to get into: many don't even require a transcript or test scores. Some are feeder schools to major universities, and all courses will transfer. Hi!

I’ve wandered in here quite a few times, but this is one post I had to answer…

My oldest son was just as you described…sleep, computer, music, friends…but no schoolwork. Getting him to write a report took major maneuvering and a lot of constant supervision….so we rarely undertook the effort. We were constantly warned that he was dooming himself to a life of shiftless wandering.

He’s now 17, and getting straight A’s at our local community college.

What made the difference?

He got a glimpse of what he wanted to do, and he set out to do it. His passion is for computers, and he saw a way to make money at what he loves doing anyway.

Come to think of it, his older sister wasn’t much different. She was rather apathetic until she decided to go to college early, at which time she studied furiously to get a good ACT and headed off (7 hours away!)to college at 16.

I think that many kids see high school as just marking time until they get to college. Is your son interested in moving on? Maybe he’d do well with a few courses at a local community college. It would broaden his horizons and stretch his mind a bit. Most are not difficult to get into: many don’t even require a transcript or test scores. Some are feeder schools to major universities, and all courses will transfer.

]]> By: Jim http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-287 Jim Wed, 28 Feb 2007 23:44:00 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-287 I must say as a teacher myself that each case is different and each kid is different. It sounds like you're aware of this already. One thing to keep in mind: try to find meaning in the learning and try to find as many ways for them to take in the information in new and exciting ways. Most often, these are ways that they have adapted for themselves. All the best, Jim Sarris Author, Memory Skills Made Easy http://www.memoryskillsmadeeasy.com I must say as a teacher myself that each case is different and each kid is different. It sounds like you’re aware of this already.

One thing to keep in mind: try to find meaning in the learning and try to find as many ways for them to take in the information in new and exciting ways. Most often, these are ways that they have adapted for themselves.

All the best,
Jim Sarris
Author, Memory Skills Made Easy
http://www.memoryskillsmadeeasy.com

]]> By: wisteria http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-284 wisteria Wed, 28 Feb 2007 18:48:10 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-284 Sorry I couldn't comment yesterday. I, too, struggle with an apathetic learner some of the time. I want so much for my children and I have felt out of place (even though I had earned the right to be there) because of my poor educational background. One of my goals in schooling my children is to give them the skills and knowledge to feel comfortable in almost any environment. My children do not always see the importance of my goals. I, too, am torn. I am a natural nurturer. I don't mind spoon feeding my young students, yet I see the importance of having them take responsibility for their own work, so I am forever looking for that perfect compromise. I am fortunate that your children are years older than mine, so I can learn from your interactions with them. Thinking of you. Sorry I couldn’t comment yesterday. I, too, struggle with an apathetic learner some of the time. I want so much for my children and I have felt out of place (even though I had earned the right to be there) because of my poor educational background. One of my goals in schooling my children is to give them the skills and knowledge to feel comfortable in almost any environment. My children do not always see the importance of my goals.

I, too, am torn. I am a natural nurturer. I don’t mind spoon feeding my young students, yet I see the importance of having them take responsibility for their own work, so I am forever looking for that perfect compromise.

I am fortunate that your children are years older than mine, so I can learn from your interactions with them. Thinking of you.

]]> By: Robin http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-282 Robin Wed, 28 Feb 2007 14:28:02 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-282 I don't think I've commented on your blog before, but I've been popping in for quite a while. I wanted to comment because I have a senior in high school right now. Granted, he goes to the public school (I homeschool my youngest), but the issue is the same for both of our boys...non-ambition.... or as I like to say, apathy. For years I've been telling my son to keep up with his assignments. He does well on tests and quizzes, but papers and daily work bring his grades WAY down, because he either doesn't do them, or he does them half way. Between his freshman, sophmore, and junior year he had a 3.2 GPA (his computer classes brought this way up), which I knew would not be high enough to get in to the colleges that he wanted to go to. And it was a struggle, trying not to interfere when he was making mistakes. Sometimes I had to point out what he was doing, because I was afraid that when the day came, he would say that it wasn't HIS fault that he didn't get in to these colleges. I wanted him to know that it was his choices that took away his options. Now it is his senior year. Now it is important to him. So this year he has pulled out all the stops that I knew him to be capable of. He has gotten straight A's on all his report cards. I've gotten many messages from his teachers telling me how much they love him. And he is proud of what he has done.... But... Is it enough? He has applied to all the colleges he wanted to attend, and he has brought his GPA up, thanks to the good grades, and he had fantastic SAT and ACT scores.... But will it be enough? The reason I wanted to comment was, I think your son is similar to mine. He won't perform until it is important to him. Right now, he just feels apathetic. BUT, when he is ready, I think you will be surprised (or, maybe not) at what he is capable of. I don't agree with some of the others who say you should take away the video games. There are worse things he could be doing. And maybe these games will lead him into an area of passion. My son has developed a passion for computers as a direct result of loving computer games. Good luck, and try not to worry too much. I think you just have to gently remind him that he is making choices each time he slacks on a project or assignment. And just let it go. He IS making the choice. Let him live with it. I'm sending you {{{hugs}}} because I know how hard that is! I don’t think I’ve commented on your blog before, but I’ve been popping in for quite a while. I wanted to comment because I have a senior in high school right now. Granted, he goes to the public school (I homeschool my youngest), but the issue is the same for both of our boys…non-ambition…. or as I like to say, apathy.
For years I’ve been telling my son to keep up with his assignments. He does well on tests and quizzes, but papers and daily work bring his grades WAY down, because he either doesn’t do them, or he does them half way. Between his freshman, sophmore, and junior year he had a 3.2 GPA (his computer classes brought this way up), which I knew would not be high enough to get in to the colleges that he wanted to go to. And it was a struggle, trying not to interfere when he was making mistakes. Sometimes I had to point out what he was doing, because I was afraid that when the day came, he would say that it wasn’t HIS fault that he didn’t get in to these colleges. I wanted him to know that it was his choices that took away his options.
Now it is his senior year. Now it is important to him. So this year he has pulled out all the stops that I knew him to be capable of. He has gotten straight A’s on all his report cards. I’ve gotten many messages from his teachers telling me how much they love him. And he is proud of what he has done…. But… Is it enough?
He has applied to all the colleges he wanted to attend, and he has brought his GPA up, thanks to the good grades, and he had fantastic SAT and ACT scores…. But will it be enough?
The reason I wanted to comment was, I think your son is similar to mine. He won’t perform until it is important to him. Right now, he just feels apathetic. BUT, when he is ready, I think you will be surprised (or, maybe not) at what he is capable of.
I don’t agree with some of the others who say you should take away the video games. There are worse things he could be doing. And maybe these games will lead him into an area of passion. My son has developed a passion for computers as a direct result of loving computer games.
Good luck, and try not to worry too much. I think you just have to gently remind him that he is making choices each time he slacks on a project or assignment. And just let it go. He IS making the choice. Let him live with it.
I’m sending you {{{hugs}}} because I know how hard that is!

]]> By: hootandflutter http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-280 hootandflutter Wed, 28 Feb 2007 03:03:43 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-280 More and more I look forward to your blog entries as an opportunity to store away some wisdom and guidance to nourish me on my journey through motherhood. We had a big meeting on Monday morning with my 9yo stepson, because he hasn't been putting forth any effort. He coasts on my effort as a teacher. I was becoming resentful and feeling that I wanted to stop homeschooling him to focus on the younger kids, who, despite their flaws, at least engage the world, including those bits of the world I present, with an active curiosity. Today and yesterday he worked like crazy on the make up assignments I gave him. His father is delighted and reassured. But I know from past experiences with meetings and make up assignments that this sudden enthusiasm in the child probably will not last. And I'm half afraid to bring it up to dh, who already spends a lot of energy trying to get the boys bio mom to not criticize him. (From recent posts I suspect you know what that is like too.) I decided on one more intermediate step than you mention here. First, there's the make up option. If that still doesn't work, he gets no more screen time, including handhelds, except supervised schoolwork on the computer. If that still doesn't work, then I'll stop homeschooling him. It may be true that all teenagers are lazy or addicted to video games. But if that's the case then all parents should be busting their teens butt to get them to work, and limiting the screen time, because no kid passes into responsible, engaged adulthood via the use of a mouse or controller. Not that it means anything from a mom so much less experienced that you, but I say kudos to you for putting your foot down. More and more I look forward to your blog entries as an opportunity to store away some wisdom and guidance to nourish me on my journey through motherhood.

We had a big meeting on Monday morning with my 9yo stepson, because he hasn’t been putting forth any effort. He coasts on my effort as a teacher. I was becoming resentful and feeling that I wanted to stop homeschooling him to focus on the younger kids, who, despite their flaws, at least engage the world, including those bits of the world I present, with an active curiosity.

Today and yesterday he worked like crazy on the make up assignments I gave him. His father is delighted and reassured. But I know from past experiences with meetings and make up assignments that this sudden enthusiasm in the child probably will not last. And I’m half afraid to bring it up to dh, who already spends a lot of energy trying to get the boys bio mom to not criticize him. (From recent posts I suspect you know what that is like too.)

I decided on one more intermediate step than you mention here. First, there’s the make up option. If that still doesn’t work, he gets no more screen time, including handhelds, except supervised schoolwork on the computer. If that still doesn’t work, then I’ll stop homeschooling him.

It may be true that all teenagers are lazy or addicted to video games. But if that’s the case then all parents should be busting their teens butt to get them to work, and limiting the screen time, because no kid passes into responsible, engaged adulthood via the use of a mouse or controller.

Not that it means anything from a mom so much less experienced that you, but I say kudos to you for putting your foot down.

]]> By: Astreil http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-279 Astreil Wed, 28 Feb 2007 01:48:17 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-279 Just stopped in to say hi! I feel for you. I hope your son is able to meet your challenges. Goodk Luck. I always enjoy reading your blog. Just stopped in to say hi!

I feel for you. I hope your son is able to meet your challenges. Goodk Luck.

I always enjoy reading your blog.

]]> By: Nina http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-278 Nina Wed, 28 Feb 2007 01:17:14 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-278 First-There must be a lot of families dealing with this issue. I hope you can use your wisdom and talent to write a compelling essay about how to hs the unambitious. I'm wondering if you read Lapaz Farm. If I were comparing my teenager to Theresa's son I would be miserable. He is exceptional. Is it posssible to just rid your house of games. I realize that it is a radical idea but it seems to be the root of some of the problems. I suppose your husband might not agree. I find cold turkey the best way to deal with some of my problems. And last, I know this problem is bigger and more vexing than any post can convey. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope for a solution. The cyber option doesn't seem that bad. At least he wouldn't be influenced by teenagers. First-There must be a lot of families dealing with this issue. I hope you can use your wisdom and talent to write a compelling essay about how to hs the unambitious.

I’m wondering if you read Lapaz Farm. If I were comparing my teenager to Theresa’s son I would be miserable. He is exceptional.

Is it posssible to just rid your house of games. I realize that it is a radical idea but it seems to be the root of some of the problems. I suppose your husband might not agree. I find cold turkey the best way to deal with some of my problems.

And last, I know this problem is bigger and more vexing than any post can convey. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope for a solution. The cyber option doesn’t seem that bad. At least he wouldn’t be influenced by teenagers.

]]> By: Kate in NJ http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-277 Kate in NJ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 23:46:27 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-277 I don't have any answers for you, but just this electronic ((hug)) sent your way to show you have been heard. I hope you will have peace in your family and in your heart again soon, Kate I don’t have any answers for you, but just this
electronic ((hug)) sent your way to show you have
been heard. I hope you will have peace in your family
and in your heart again soon,
Kate

]]> By: Sara http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-276 Sara Tue, 27 Feb 2007 21:17:30 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-276 My mom faced a similar situation with my brother when he was a teen. He stopped listening to her or trying to do any schoolwork - and my parents did not give him a highschool diploma/completion in the end. He chose to go out and take the GED, he worked a few years at the post office, and now he is starting college at 25. He's being very successful there so far, working toward an engineering degree. Sometimes, people aren't ready to work hard right away. They may have to wait until they have more motivation. But I was proud of my parents for not giving him the diploma, and it made my own diploma seem more valid to know that there was a minimum standard for it. My mom faced a similar situation with my brother when he was a teen. He stopped listening to her or trying to do any schoolwork – and my parents did not give him a highschool diploma/completion in the end. He chose to go out and take the GED, he worked a few years at the post office, and now he is starting college at 25. He’s being very successful there so far, working toward an engineering degree. Sometimes, people aren’t ready to work hard right away. They may have to wait until they have more motivation. But I was proud of my parents for not giving him the diploma, and it made my own diploma seem more valid to know that there was a minimum standard for it.

]]> By: Summer M. http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-275 Summer M. Tue, 27 Feb 2007 18:27:46 +0000 http://mothercroneshomeschool.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/homeschooling-the-non-ambitious/#comment-275 This is a great post. I linked it on my blog, if that's ok. This is a great post. I linked it on my blog, if that’s ok.

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