Though I don’t often discuss issues of faith in my blog, I have had a few emails discussions lately on these issues. It strikes some as odd how the granddaughter of a protestant pastor can be so anti-church. I read a post today inspired me to touch on these ideas a bit. An excellent site that I frequent called Old Earth Creation Homeschool
has the most amazing and clear quote on this issue. Please read this excellent entry.
~~~ After reading St. Augustine’s insight, I find so much truth in this. I grew up in a church that taught old earth creationism. The theories of Darwin were not threatening, and many of the ideas were easily seen as fitting in with God’s design (natural selection and adaptation.) While some of his theories did not mesh, it was clear to all that the definition of theory did not mean law. Moreover, we were content to let science show it’s secrets over time.
When I was studying anthropology at the university, I still did not view creation as the antithesis to science. So much on both sides was (nor has been) proven, but was taken on faith and deduction. So the whole argument wasn’t a big deal, because NO ONE can really know all of those answers. I also studied major religions with objectivity and respect, which broadened my world-view. These ideas did not weaken the faith of my youth, but expanded the reality that many cultures used different means to teach some of the same stories.
But as a young adult, I visited many churches of differing denominations and found not community and love, but teachings that truly made me question my faith for the first time. I remember sitting in a sermon listening as a pastor ridiculed anyone who believed that creation didn’t actually take place in 6- 24 hour days. I was astonished to hear how certain doctrine was so absent of logic and science that it condemned all others as wrong.
The more churches I visited, the further disillusioned I became. The common denominator was that in almost every church I attended, after a while, the theme was the same: *They were the ones teaching the real truth*. Then they would start telling me all the ways that the others were *wrong.* I sat through one Sunday school class where they actually discussed if Catholics were really Christians, because they prayed to saints!
I cannot tell you how disillusioning all of this was for me. Simply put, most all churches I visited were more full of man than of God. Church had gone from a place of love, grace, and compassion to a house of competition, pride, arrogance, and ignorance. Instead of being taught how to love, the messages were about how to convert.
I decided in 2003 to stop chasing after organized religion for this very reason. I had tried nine different denominations since 1992, and it always turned into the same story after a year or so. It felt wrong for me that any church would give such a strong message on “we are better than the other guy.” Worse still, was the overwhelming majority of members who viewed church attendance and volunteerism as a badge that allowed them to judge and exalt themselves. Add on the huge focus on financial contribution for conversion focused missions,* and the whole idea became sickening.
This was not the way I wanted to raise my children. While I wanted them to be accountable for their own actions, I did not want them to think it was their personal duty to point out everyone else’s weakness. The greatest of my Grandfather’s teachings was “let your light shine, and others will be drawn to it. That is how Christ lived. ” How have so many Christian churches forgotten this? They have become so focused looking outward to convert the masses that they stopped looking Heavenward in their own walk.
As such, I have happily kept my children away from organized religion. I don’t want my children to do the right thing just so others will notice. I want them to develop integrity without expecting feathers in their cap. I do not want them to be arrogant and think that any one of us can have the answers for all. I want them to search and discover what faith means to them, turn lessons and ideas over in their heads, not just force feed them beliefs.
This is not to say that we are faithless. We attend a Universalist Unitarian church most often, as it is the most welcoming non-judgmental house of worship we have found. We study the Bible, and great teachers like Augustine and Aquinas. We also study the writings of Plato and Dante and Buddha. We also attend, on occasion, Latin mass at the Roman Catholic church, youth service at the Hindi temple, Passover and Rosh Hoshannah services at a Jewish synagogue, and solstice celebrations with pagan friends.
The interesting discovery I have made is that in visiting all these other houses of worship, the focus is on their relationship with their god and beliefs, and not on condemning others. I find myself especially drawn to the Catholic church, as I love tradition and find it most in line with the teachings of my youth. They teach personal accountability as the center to doing all good works. I also respect a great deal about many pagan ways, and incorporate celebrations of the earth and it’s bounty in my days.
We are still on our journey, but I have found more peace outside of the church than I had within. I know that it was easier for me to question organized religion once I had questioned organized education. I don’t claim to have any answers here, only to explain to those who asked how we got where we are today. I will support each of my children in their active pursuit of truth, and know that if nothing more, I have taught them to own whatever faith they choose as adults.
*added for clarification…
I am the mother of two wonderful children, ages 12 & 15, that I have been homeschooling using a blend of Charlotte Mason and unit studies for ten years. My hubby is a terrific dad, contractor and big kid, and we also have two furry, four-legged children others would call “dogs.” I am a total crafty mama, trying my hand at almost anything, and enjoying most.
